I assumed he already knew I’d had the baby because the rumour mill has been going at full speed the whole time. I set an email apologising for the intrusion of personal space and informing him that I’d had a baby girl on Sep 3rd. I explained that in order to claim my centrelink benefits, I had to make reasonable efforts to claim child support. I feel uneasy about the statement. I don’t want Baby Daddy’s money. I don’t want his future to suffer because I chose to keep and raise MY baby. I don’t want him and his family to think I’m the kind of girl that is trying to take him for all he’s got.
I’ve been on cloud nine with my angel of as child for the last few weeks. She feeds, sleeps and plays so happily and I begin to wonder why people find this parenting thing so hard... Then we have a rough day and I 100% understand. I'm holding my breath for when she can walk and talk. I’m sure I’ll get what I deserve then.
Anyway, Baby Daddy texts a few days later thanking me for the time I’ve given him to process the information and congratulating me on the good job I was doing. Bullshit! I nearly don’t believe it. This is the guy who won’t tell his parents we have a baby, tells his friends it was a rumour and tells his ex the baby isn’t his. I’m thinking my patience and understanding to what HE is going through is paying off. I knew there was a reason I got involved with this guy the first place. Surely my judgement wasn’t that bad I won’t get involved with a total prick. HA! Well...
We call back an forth a few times in coming weeks in and adjust to our new relationship.Baby Daddy agrees to accept any wishes I may have and we decide to discuss further details in person at a later date! He's spend my whole pregnancy pretending this wasnt happening and now that It's real, I have to give him time to process the news. Time seems to be on his side. i've found patience for the first time in my life. I simply don't feel like I need him so what would I really be pushing him for? I dont want us to make choices that will effect ours and our daughters lives forever, too quickly and be stuck with bad choices.
I'm living back at mum and dads to make live easier. I'm coping well but I'm loving seeing the joy it brings my family to see us all together again. Going home was NOT easy. My pride is thick and I have to prove to the world that I made the right choice and I'm coping with my decision. I simply couldn't handle an "I told you so".
I take the help I'm offered but I never ask for it.. (parenting NO NO number 1). I'm more financially independent than I was before I fell pregnant and I only make choices that are positives for Peyton. Everyone has more than accepted my new life but I just cant shake that feeling that I'm being judged. I make more sacrifices that I need to to give Peyton everything and I take every comment to heart in a big way. I'm working my ass off to be a better parent than ever, not only because that's what I want for the chief but because I have a point to prove.
You may have noticed me calling Peyton The Chief... to quickly explain.. From the second I found out I was having a baby, my whole world revolved around her needs. right down to what I ate when pregnant, she dictated every meal, every sleep and every decision. thus her name the Chief.
I'm waffling. we continue to wait....
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