In the beginning (NYE 2009)

I Stood in the bathrooms of my work place staring down at the bin, or more so what I'd thrown in the bin moments before hand. Two blue lines? it can't possibly be two blue lines? I reached down and pulled the pee covered piece of plastic from the rubbish. How could the cheap contraption really tell me my future in a matter of minutes??
Who takes a pregancy test on NYE? at work? just to prove to a colleague that theres not possible chance?The busiest shift of the year, 300pax booked into the restaurant, another 500 expected for the post dinner event and I chose now to take a pregnancy test? how typical of me. As if the day wasn't going to be intense enough.
I really though I was in the clear. There had been no lines just a minute before. I'd waited more than the recommended amount of wating time and when nothing showed up I assumed I was in the clear. Sure, negative was supposed to be one blue line but surely none was better than two... I'd left the restroom and returned to duty only for curiosity to get the better of me and I returned to the bathroom to double check.

For the first time in my life I didnt know what to say or do, I was in such a state of shock that I walked out of the loo with the test still in my hand. I couldn't take my eyes off it. I walked through the restaurant, past my staff and into the office where my boss would be at her desk. My hands were shaking and I had tears in my eyes. I really couldn't beleive what what right there infront of me. I showed my boss who stared back at me, not knowing whether to share ongratulations or condolences. I didn't know which of the two I wanted.

I excused myself for a short coffee break and made a few calls, first my cousin Mel who always had wise words and support, then my housemate Claire who knew better than anyone what I was going through. the last thing you want to hear in this situation is the first thing I heard from everyone... "who's the father?"

I'd only being seeing this guy for a few weeks and it certainly wasn't serious. He doesn't have a serious bone in his body and couldn't take on the resposibility of ordering a pizza let alone having a baby.

I didn't know what was going be worse, telling the father.... or telling MY father.