child care??

I find myself at a cross road, and right in the centre of an age old battle...

To childcare or not to childcare? Very good points on both side...

A baby needs her mum (especially when she doesn’t have a dad) BUT am I restricting my daughters quality of life but not getting back to work and starting the never ending road of saving for her future?

I am eternally grateful for my parents generosity in giving us somewhere to live but I don’t want to be here forever and I certainly don’t think that’s what they want either.

Part time work seems most logical for my situation because of the costs and time away from Peyton that it means for me while she is so young. But by the time you pay for childcare these days, it hardly seems worth it.

I didn’t have a baby to hand her over to strangers every day, especially at only 5 months old. I’ve worked in a childcare centre and I was a day care kid when I was young too so I’ve seen this from all directions. I know it’s necessary for some but it’s not for us.

A clairvoyant said to me last year that  I like to take the hard road, almost as if to prove that I’m capable of handling anything.

She’s right. But all I seem to do is prove that I take on too much.

 On top of needing to go back to work, at least 1 or 2 days a week, I’ve just enrolled into Open University to study for a long overdue Bachelors degree. I intend to do a majority of that study at night as to not take quality time away from Peyton which means working nights when my parents are home for easy babysitting is out.

I am a firm believer in mum and dad being grandparents, not full time sitters. They are supposed to enjoy the experience and I don’t want watching Peyton to become like work to them I’ve worked weekends since school so I’ve done my fair share of missing family functions too!

Mum works, much to her disgust, several days a week and lets’ face it, she’s not getting any younger. Being on her feet all day takes its toll and she looks forward to her time off. She does enough without watching my demanding child too. So working weekend and their days off is out too.

Being a sole parent, and a new one at that, I struggle to leave Peyton in the care of other people. First because she’s my responsibility and second because I can’t keep an eye on her. Does this get easier and time goes on? Or is it always this hard and I just have to learn to mask that fear?

Which bring us back to child care. My last resort becomes my only option. I’m not against it but its’ not ideal for us. Is work AND study putting too much pressure on me and everyone else? When I have such high expectations for my parenting ability.

I’ve made it my goal for this to not be hard on my loved ones because that was their big concern when they found out I was pregnant in the first place and this just makes things harder for me again.

I dread the words “you made your bed” over every decision I make from now on.

Howe much time away from mum is too much? How do I know she’s being treating the way I would expect of my only daughter?

Should I just pack it all in and stay home with her all the time?

But where does that leave our future?

If someone could tell me what the right thing to do for her is, that’d be great! Thanks!